I really don't know what to think anymore!
There's this weird attitude of mine, that I would easily fall for someone. I know, it's so mainstream and so yesterday-ish, but actually, it's a fact of my life. If I find someone I like, I usually try to get close to them, get to know them, and all other stuff. I try to seem pleasing to them, impress them(if i must, lol) up to a point that I'm developing a certain, stronger, 'feeling' towards them. Then later on, when I've already have this 'strong feeling' for them, I become uneasy. Then, maybe a week or so, I'd always end up breaking my heart after hearing from them that they liked someone else, or they're engaged or has a girlfriend or doesn't like me as more as a friend - FRIENDZONED, yea probably, but I don't know what to think anymore.
I have this loose screw in my head, and this happens all the time. Of course, the feelings does not grow overnight, it gradually happens, but still, it does. No matter how hard I try to tell myself that I should not.
Probably, I'm a walking example of the saying from a person I forgot, "If one does not learn from his past, he is doomed to repeat it." It took me ages to understand what this meant, and now I do, I really do.
To learn I have to go through the hard, painful way. But after the pains and aches, and I've slowly picked my self up and promised to never ever do that again, I'm back at square one again when another opportunity arises.
Hope, I would finally learn when to stop. I wish I would know what to do in dire situations wherein correct judgement and discretion must be applied. I wish I know, so I'd no longer be a fool, entangled from the mistakes I scratch upon the pages of my past.
*Slaps self* Learn! Learn! Learn!
About Me
- Songstress
- About me: I'm the youngest of three siblings. I love singing, writing, acting, eating, and praising myself. I'm not an OC, but I love cleaning when I feel the urge. I'm moody, when I've just woken up I smile a lot. I'm not a lonely person but I sure love to be alone. I'm a student I love fireworks, icecream and holidays I'm a home-body I love our four dogs, Lilit, Katy, Poping, and Leyona I'm melodramatic. I love making quotes and advices about love and moving on. I write. I sing. I blog. And this is my story..
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Eat it up! No, I did not mean your broccoli, nor does this have any connection with food, but rather it's something about our words.
We, people are born to be social beings. We are built to interact, to socialize, to mingle, to express, to understand and be understood. That is why there is this one important invention made by our ancestors, WORDS!
Yes, words! Words are very powerful. They could express our deepest angst and emotions in a way, our gestures and linguistics can. And also, they can become a self-destruct time bomb that would cause our downfall.
So next time, when you're feeling an extreme and explosive emotion that seems like it cannot be contained, please do find another alternative to let out that 'emotion'. Just be careful on how we let it out, 'cuz we never know how it could turn out. It could cause you a lot more trouble than solutions.
Ohhhh....
I miss blogging! It's been months since my last post! Totally, now that all my heavy majors and minors are over.. getting of grades is finished, enrollment is snapped, I can now concentrate on blogging and my summer class.
It won't be for too long, this haleliuh moment of mine, 'cuz I know I'll become a lot more busier soon. But at least for now, I can have you guys.
I miss this... ^.^
I never really thought school would be this.. stressful! As a first year masscom, I was like, " I haven't felt my being a mass com yet" ... second year was the same, but I was starting to have an idea what we'd be doing .. third year first sem, my subjects and majors started to become very hectic but was still manageable. At the end of third year's first sem, I felt pretty confident that, second sem would be just a breeze and that the first sem would be "harder", ... but I was wrong. Second sem is the hardest sem up to date!
Events, plays, performances, projects, all come together. You won't even know which one to do first! On our younger years, holidays were such blessings 'cuz we'd just stay at home and sloth away. But this sem, even holidays are considered school days since we'd still have to practice a something for that day. And even that day of practice ain't enough. Not to mention the projects that'd pile up.
Maybe, as a third year mass com student, what I must learn and have gradually learned, is to manage your time "EFFICIENTLY". There shouldn't be a day that you haven't done anything. At the very least, do something, like a project or plan out a sched, cuz time is of the essence and not being to pass even just one of these MAJOR-MAJOR requirements is a death sentence.
Excited for this sem to end, but more importantly, I'm much excited for the satisfaction me, and my batch mates would feel after we've gone through this tough sem. Let's keep working!!!
Feb 6, 2012, the day started like a normal, rainy day. The sky was cloudy, the traffic was okay, the only thing I had in mind that day was that I forgot to bring an umbrella, but besides that, no one ever thought that something like an "earthquake" would transpire later on today.
It was 11:40 something, and we were still on theater class, reporting, and all of the sudden, someone said, "Look the projector's moving", and we were like, "she dum.. " but no...
.. the projector was indeed moving, and we all sat still on our sits, bracing ourselves, some were teary, some were so scared( I for one) and some was just so shocked to have a reaction. Our teacher even had to stay on the corner and yelled that everyone stay calm, but in a situation we weren't really prepared for, we panicked.
After that, we all, including students and faculty, went down the school grounds and formed there, waiting if there'd be any after shocks and glad that there were none. So we decided to do the interview this afternoon for the priest and lawyer but then, when we got there on the church. A classmate of mine received some text message that sea water was gonna reach Ermita, that classmate lived there so she panicked and we all decided to go home. To add to the pressure, people were saying that the water's reaching the area near the church, so we were like, OMG, we're gonna go home. It was, hell I don't even know the time, but I was near Jollibee mandaue and was trying to find a jeepney to ride but, none. My amegs tried to tell me that there's still a jeepney ride but it's too far to just walk, was still in highway and I was still on the parish church and it was no joke. But, instead of just staying there and wait for my papa to pick me up, I decided to walk it all out, and so I did, and as I reached about 75perc of the total distance, I saw an officer, and asked where should I ride, and he told me and stuff.
I waited there for about 20 minutes and I was like, "Sh*t, there's no Talamban jeepney going here.." So I looked around, I looked at the jeepney writings and looked at the people and alas, I saw this blessed thing made from the heavens, the street signage.
I saw Talamban and I was able to board a jeepney.
What's the lesson for today? Maybe, it's to not believe right away things from text messages, listen to the news, be updated, and always be safe.
No, not how bad my drawing is the topic here, it's ... R-I-C-E! That white, sometimes brown, grain that'd had to be submerged in boiling water for half an hour to get that sumptuous, soft, staple food. Yumm..
I know that the sight of rice might scare a lot of people, especially those who're in a totally, no-carbs diet, but I can't help it, I love rice. Not in the sense that I'd eat it alone, duh? I'm still sane enough to not do that, but, the feeling that there's plenty of it in my plate, it's just satisfying. I'm that type of person that, no matter how bland, or how little my viand is for that meal, as long as I have plenty of rice, I'm fine. Snacks is eaten best with rice and a viand, yeap, snacks! Although it makes you fat, if gone too much, still it's so irresistible.
It was just two days ago when I've chatted with the musician, and it was so heavenly since then. Beyond the age gap and the location gap, he was a great guy. He was kind, he was sweet, he's got a way with words, he's a total package. That's why I wondered why he's still single till now.
But anyways, here's the real deal: tonight, we talked again on skype and it was pretty much the casual thing... but, it's true, I guess it's true, that in a seemingly perfect thing, there'd always be that imperfect side to it. And it showed tonight, as big as the lantern still hanging outside our window.
Amidst his sweet and bubbly personality, is his being "pervy" I might say. And does and wants to do these naughty things on skype, maybe it's his hobby or he's just used to it, but actually, I'm not. He wants me to listen while he _____ well, you get the picture. Because he thinks that I talk cute and it turns him on. But I'm like, WTF? It's not that I forced you to be like that! I got to talk to him that I'm not one that does those stuff, and that I respect him so much to just do those acts with him. Because I don't want him to lose respect with me, and in turn, I don't want to lose respect for him. That's just the way I work with people whom I see worthy of my time. I told him straight forward. So we talked on mic for a bit, but still, I heard this squishy sounds and the slight groans he's making while I was talking and ding! I turned me mic off. He wondered, but I'm not one that doesn't keep his word. I told him there and there that if this stuff continues, he's putting this budding friendship in the line.
Given that I'm such a home-body, and I would rather stay at home than be out( partly true ), I usually go for my laptop for my refuge. It's those dragging hours that I hate so much; I've updated my status on facebook and I'm sick of all my friend's faces up on my feeds( love ya'll), I've just watched tons of videos from youtube that'd equivalent a whole semester of class, and when I've just finished grabbing nice photos from tumblr, and I'm left with nothing to do.Out of genuine curiosity and boredom I go to chat sites. Yeap, those good old chat sites.
Not that I"m desperate or anything, or that I"m horny( which is typically NEVER the case) or that i'm just some psycho, NO! N-O! I'm not going to chat sites for those reasons, but I do go there to actually meet people. That's right. When you live in a certain place, I know, at some point of your life, you're gonna realize that you're sick of seeing all these people, having the same faces, with your same eyes, color of skin, hair, and height, and you want something different. I want something different. Something, not everyday, something unusual, something that'd spark my interest, ... a foreigner. LOL
Now I'm sounding like a young hag, looking for an old foreigner to eek money from, but no, I really do wanna know someone. I want to know someone outside of my country( at least) and talk about what's in his country, the way he lives, how is living there, the weather, and all those useless crap. I'm that kind of a guy. So much for the long intro..
Okay, so like I got on to this site, which I would not name as of the moment, and I chatted on group chat there. Well, in that site, you'd still have to advertise yourself in the chat box since there's no profile set up needed so yea you're good to go. And here I was, advertising me, and why they'd want to chat with me( PR, thank yoU!) and the likes. Gosh, only got one or two who replied and none of them seem worth the time. And then this guy advertised himself as, "SKYPEMICONLY" I guess , I'm not so sure, so I pmed him and we got on to skype. And then, he added me, and we talked on skype mic, apparently, I do have my cam but I wasn't feeling on using it at that time cuz I'm so busy and my mind is so out of order that I looked like crap at that time ( I guess) so we opted to use mic only. And then we talked. He's got this very nice voice to him, and wait, let me just say that I always have this thing for voices, foreign voices/accents that really attracts me to someone. Like, if I'd have a fetish, it'd be a western accent fetish. Lewl. Anyways, so there, we talked and we chatted, and I've got to learn that this guy is a musician, and he plays in studios professionally and that's how he pays his bills. He's 28, single, probably had married his instruments, and he plays very well. It was amazing. I totally got a hold of him, cuz he was like a musician, and how many odds do we have to be able to chat to a musician. Or let's change that, how many odds does a musician have to chat with me? .. You see the picture?
So, it was totally rocking, and I look forward to chatting with him again.He promised me to be able to play "Need You Now": by Lady Antebellum .. ^.^
Okay, sorry for the late post ..it was a such a straight schedule from Friday to today, and now I finally got the time to write again.
Friday, we were able to present the play "AMBOY". As some of you may not know, AMBOY is a play we conceptualize in order to create a vast array of characters and a consistent storyline. And we've already presented this in class last year, but this time we had to do a little tweaks and add more to the storyline.
My role is Lola Girly, an eccentric, flamboyant, annoying "tindera"(vendor) who's a consistent character in the story. All throughout I am present, so as my shop, and I stood there the entire play. It was funny, especially when I get into character and transform from Jo to THE Lola Girly. Taking up her role is both challenging and an enjoyment. She's easy to portray, as the character doesn't really stray that far from my original personality, and a little ranting here and there was her most common trait. Lola Girly rocks! haha
So, Friday came and we came to school early. I wasn't so early since I also woke up late cuz we also had presented PR the night prior and I went home around 10pm. And we practiced a little, changed costume, make up, but then the shocker -- where to present? I was informed a day before that PolSci will be helding something around noon at the lobby, so I felt pretty confident that we'd still present inside class, but I was wrong. The reservation was okay-ed and yes, we presented at the lobby; in front of almost half of the entire student body. This was like , 10x more embarrassing than the auditions we did a week before, cuz we all know students will flock when they see people presenting, looking dumb on stage. We presented first, although it didn't match up that well with the story cuz we had the older amboy, but still, we went on and gave a good show. Luckily, nothing bad happened and the audience liked it. They laughed at some of the punchlines we had, it was astonishing to see all those people - some we know, some we don't know -- watch you perform on stage, in front of lights, in front of teachers, and in front of them. Another major setback occurred as the hour almost came to pass, we were to present again since the cameraman only recorded half of our presentations. It was unbelievable! The moment/magic was gone, we all had a different mindset at that time, but no, we had to do all of it all over again. Good thing, we still did it, and people still enjoyed it, but not as much as the first one we did.
I love plays like these, and I love presenting on stage, and although nerve-wrecking as it seems, I liked every bit of it. Until next time!
Hope the videos will be uploaded soon!! ^.^
Just when I thought everything is done when MC Seminar and my Rizal report was over, Theater and PR came into the picture, and it ain't good news.
Thursday will be for PR - one of the most challenging acting presentations( i think) .... excited with the roles I'd be doing tomorrow in our brainstorming. I readied my costume already, very 90's chic and a nurse costume, tug-dug tug dug or stethoscope. HAHA
Friday will be for Theater, my role'll be the sarcastic Lola/Tindera. I love my role cuz it's so much of what I am in real life, and I'm excited to do it. To add to the surging pressure, we'd present it on stage, down at the lobby , where students that have nothing left to do flock and see what's up. OMG!!!
"Sinulog is more than the street dance, the boisterous music, the all-night parties or the visiting of our favorite actors/actresses on floats during parades. There's that one reason, Señor Santo Niño: the child Jesus whom we praise and worship. Sinulog is a yearly reminder of the Child withiin us, a child that knows no jealousy, anger, or deceit. Like a child, we would be carefree, jovial, believing, and calm-minded. if we all can be reminded of the children we once were, then we'd find the true meaning of life in context with Jesus' teachings and love in this occasion."
Okay, so like, this is another Photojourn entry that we'd be submitting soon. I pretty much, don't know how itd go, or would it even go well, but I do know that I like the picture, and it fits so well with what I intended to focus on; Señor Santo Niño as a child. That like him, we should once in a while go back to our former selves from time to time.
It's January 14, it's a cloudy day, the perfect type of weather to just sloth around the house and watch a movie. Everyone's so excited about Sinulog celebrations, but I'm at home, doing/thinking about schoolwork and watching a movie. I surfed around the net, looking at list of Good LGBT/Gay themed movies to watch, plainly to sip inspiration from, and I came across a great list. There's a comedy I planned to watch, but when I scrolled some more, I found this very intriguing film pic of "Soldier's Girl". The pic is of a man, trying to slip up his shirt, showing off some tattoos or writings and stuff. I read the movie summary, and OMG, it's about a soldier falling in love with a transgender but dying in the end. Plus it's TRUE TO LIFE! WTF? What a good movie, romantic, classy, but tragic.
I started typing on the web for an online streaming but to no avail, this movie's been released 2003, and pirated versions uploaded online, are ofcourse, been taken down and stuff. I went to youtube( it's always our last resort) and to my surprise, there's this very, sweet hearted uploader, who happened to upload THE movie around 3 months ago. Can it be any more coincidental? Like, the whole movie in parts, but think of it, it's uploaded around 3 months ago. This is totally heaven-sent.
So I watched the movie, loaded them on tabs and sat there for like an hour or so. There were parts where it made me laugh, when it made me grin, when it made me feel like I'm Calpernia, and talk out her lines. Every single bit of emotion to be felt was there, I felt it! It's so inspiring to see a type of relationship bloom from two people of totally different sides in the color spectrum.
Then the ending parts struck me, Barry had to die. He was murdered by a fellow, mindless soldier who beaten barry to death with a baseball bat. I couldn't believe it! I could feel my eyes watering up, then my hands automatically covered my mouth, and I was ready to cry. It was painful to see, and to think that that event took place at some time, in real life. It's aching.
The movie for me, had given a very big impact on how I see love and discrimination. The movie depicted well that, love, from all walks of people, can be found. That two people can share strong, mutual feelings for each other, but it wouldn't be easy. That it won't be just a walk in the park. Love, can be taken away from you, slip away from your finger tips and you can't even do a thing about it. It depicted also, the rampant discrimination there is about gays in the military, or even in the each community. This discrimination and harassment should be stopped, to cease the bloodshed and broken relationships. So everyone can have a chance to fall in love, and live our own, happy lives.
Thumbs up to this movie, and Barry Winchell, you've touched my life. Thank you so much for your story. May you rest in peace! Hope I can find a man like you someday, charr!! ^.^
Cebu is one of the most beautiful and most exciting places to go to. Amidst the cramped streets and undeniable pollution, it's a picturesque city, preserving the history and significant events we, filipinos have been blessed with.
We're also the city that celebrates a back-to-back occasion, starting from Christmas, to the most-awaited, SINULOG. This celebration may mean double fun, but it's also incredibly double ka-ching in our pockets.
As usual, January is a rainy month and although we're now starting to have "longer days, shorter nights", Sinulog will still be, presumably, a wet occasion. One good thing about us Cebuanos, is that we don't really care if we get wet and dirty, because there's so much to go and check out, that all the trouble is worth it. The parade of Saints is much awaited by the devotees who flock colon street every year. They wave their hanker chiefs or hands, as they wave their undying faith and belief with the Senior Sto. Nino.
I'm not really a fan of going to colon on this occasion since it's practically hard to find a ride back home. Think about it, these people have access to friends who live nearby the city, and I have to commute back to our not-so near home. Plus, the school work that is expected to be done is killing me, making it seem sinful to have fun this season when my projects are yet to be accomplished. Sooo depressing. But I know there'd be another Sinulog season to be free, maybe just not this year.
I just hope everyone who participates in the Sinulog Festival would find the true meaning of the celebration. To find a reason to celebrate beyond the context of our own comfort. But, if they can't, well at least have a good time. Wet, wild, Pit Senyor!
Problems and trials often come on top the other, and they come at times you least expect it, nor needed it. Grades have been so upsetting, with three of my minors, supposedly to go good, end up going bad. Sooo sad, but I can't do nothing. I'll have to wipe these tears and move on. I can only get better after this. I know I can.
Okay, I admit, I'm really fond of acting and stuff, and it's so much fun taking up roles and trying to act it out with your life on stage, infront of an audience. Today, we did just that.
The first part of the acting frenzy started today, and girl, I was called! Some had the roles I really wanna do, like the slut, the mother, the desperate housewife( just joking) and all those roles. But no. I was given, "the person who was trapped in a tin can being burnt by fire.It wasn't easy, and certainly not what I wanted(nor expected).
But, I did it. I looked crazy as shit. Hope it was okay, cuz I really can't understand why that was my role.
Today, three more puppies were given
Very early in the morning, my brother and mom, were arguing about what puppy to give, the brown or the white one. But then, mom couldn't choose, and it was such a funny scene to watch. Mama was like, looking at both, saying she likes the two, but couldn't decide. My brother got antsy so he took the white, placed it on a box, and left. I lol-ed so hard since it seems like a scene in somewhere wherein the mom's picking which kid she'll give away. Funny, funny mommy dear.
So we said goodbye to the white one this morning. Then on my way to school, papa and mama gave me a ride , and gave the other two, black puppies to two friends. Hoping they'd take care of them as much as we would've.
I wish so much the puppies we gave will be taken cared of and loved. Hope I wasn't wrong in choosing those girls to adopt my puppies. I love them so much, but I just can't make a dog orphanage of our house, tough choices perhaps.
Okay, so last Friday, this week, was such a nerve wracking date. Two major things were to be done that day. One, the MC Serminar, two, the Rizal report. It was a back to back dilemma with a back to back time frame since Rizal follows right after MC Seminar.
Guess we were able to pull off the seminar, although there were setbacks. One major setback was that the speaker totally forgot about the time. But, I believe it ain't ethical if we keep on bugging him that it's time and stuff, so we just let him be. But thankfully, he finished his talk around 12:57, still 3 minutes to 1, so my intermission number was canceled. Poor me, that was the number I practiced so much, but, hey, things happen, just thankful sir was okay with it. Well, sir really is such a great guy, and he completely understood the events. Gonna find a guy like him, but anyways, we're so off topic. There, so we finished the seminar, and ran to the 4th floor for Rizal, since we're the first ones to report, and the first ones to talk about things on the report. Good thing we came just in time Miss Kind came in, so we weren't basically late. Soo happy. Then we got to report, a little bit disorganized, a little bit scary, but we pulled it off. Our groupmates haven't even practiced their topics on the power point, but them were just so cool with it. So, consequently, Miss Kind was also okay with it, or rather, she could've been very well satisfied since I could constantly get a glimpse of her casual nods, signifying, probably, her "okay" with what we were talking.
As a whole, sooo happy about Friday, now I can concentrate on much heavier stuff. Good God! ^.^ Thank you Jesus!
Yup. Tomorrow, classes will start again from the so-fun Christmas vacation. This time will be no joke, since, from this point on, events will come by a bit faster than usual. It's January 4, but the next thing we know it, it's Mr. Lucena's IJ deadline. Oh I so dread that day, hope we'd finish it beforehand with no lapses or anything. Well, I'm kinda out of topic, so yeah, classes will resume. And I can't wait to see again my friends and classmates. To see who got a new hair-do, who lost a finger, and hear what kind of Christmas they all had. Ciao! Gonna let you hear from me soon. ^.^
Today, I gave one of the six puppies our dog, Katee, gave birth to. I gave Faith, the brown one, with black patch on the face. It kind of feel a little, just a speck of sadness cause I did spend time with those little runts and it's a mixed feeling. I'm also happy that finally, he could have a new, loving owner that I know would take care of him. 1 down, four to go. ^.^
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